Communicate non-violently - 2

But what is the process of non-violent communication about?
It is that of the heart language between people not the head language. We have not to label people or put them in categories, but to harmonize with them. Everybody has the right to yes or no, and we have to accept both and to value the reasons behind, and either decision has to be made in an environment of freedom. No manipulation, no coercion, no blame, no deceit, no intimidation is allowed in order that the process can be applied in the true sense of the word.
The non-violent communication is a four-part process, that has the honesty during the conversation as the main background: so to state a request clearly
- I describe my observation : no criticism, no judgment
- I Identify my feeling ensuing from the observation
- Explain the reason for my feeling in terms of my needs
- State my request not demand
If the person gets stressed or upset I can switch into more listening

In responding to a no-situation we have to put the process into action like this:
(The main background here is empathy having the upper hand beside honesty)
· I Describe the situation
· I Guess the other person's feeling
· I Guess the reason for the feeling, together with the unmet need; then let the person verify whether I have correctly understood
· I Clarify the unmet need
We have during all this, to understand the other person’s needs and to respect his or her autonomy.

General rules are that we have to stay calm, no yelling, no screaming, no shouting back but listening and more listening to the other person. This process can be activated in any context of human relation, between husband and wife, father and son, daughter and mother, teacher and student, boss and employee, between friends even between strangers. Sure the language used must be the same and understood by everyone and body language, facial expressions, hands gestures also enter in the picture. It is a process that needs training, we are not born with it, but it may alter one’s life and of those surrounding him or her. Now I am applying this on myself, and it is proving fruitful. The non-violent communication is also used in major international conflicts and has shown happy endings. We have, in my opinion to consider the matter seriously, and read more about it and indulge more into its implementation.

Communicate non-violently - 1

Introduction

Is it possible in this complicated world not to use any kind of violence, during communication between people? This question intrigued me, on one part on the personal level, because, how much times I lost my temper, due to aggressive people or fanatic ones or dogmatic persons, with whom I indulged in a conversation for one cause or another. On the other part, I wondered if there is another way to solve conflicts between groups of people, instead of using any power? Sure during history, there were examples of not using violence in order to solve a deep problem, like the prominent example of Ghandi who was empty handed, with his followers, advocating non-violent resistance , that led the British Empire to dismantle its occupation of the whole Indian subcontinent. And despite that he was assassinated on the hands of a fanatic. What concerns me in this essay, is the violence that we use between each other while communicating during daily life. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, an American psychologist developed a process of non-violent communication in 1984. And since then, the number of trainees in the process has ever grown throughout the world. Dr. Rosenberg has used his method to mediate in armed conflicts around the world and even went to very dangerous places around the globe where violence was rampant.
He and his school have written many books, essays, given workshops to teach the method, given interviews, and participated in events discussing the process. Dr. Rosenberg has written a book called: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life © Marshall B. Rosenberg, 2003, published by PuddleDancer Press. I have read the translation of this book in French. It is an excellent book. This aroused my interest to search more about non-violent communication on the Internet, and read interviews and essays and excerpts from writings of Dr. Rosenberg himself in English. This was more explanatory. It is strange how can a process such as this, is so logic which needs us to be more empathic, can’t be used everywhere. (To be continued...)