Real friends needed!

Sure this appears like a classified ad in a daily newspaper, but to my mind it is a very important issue that we have to tackle. The human being is one of the social mammals, he or she normally like and strive for living in groups. The group can be formed by the family, the acquaintances or in work. But friends are a different subject. A wise proverb once said that: “A friend in need is a friend in deed.” So what is a friend? And what is the need? A friend is different from a colleague or a companion or a co-worker. Friendship is a higher degree of human relationship. In this day and age, finding real friends is a real problem, because pseudo-friendship can be easily formed. In that situation, either that one party knows it is sham that he or she uses as a cover for a particular purpose for a set period of time, till reaching his or her goal then he or she disrupts this soap bubble; or it is a bilateral play from both parties. I am speaking here about friendship between two persons, not the diffuse diluted multilateral friendship which approaches more the fellowship. Friendship carries a lot from the love experience. Though love has more intense feelings, more passionate and carries sensual attraction, and a thirst for carnal desires. But both are chemically oriented, so we can’t arrange logically for an automatic friendship or a robotic love. Sure there are still puzzles and enigmas about why this befriends that or why she loves that, in particular. But a common background of both, love or friendship is sincerity. That is the point of this post, sincerity. That doesn’t mean that our days as friends must be all honey and butter. But we have to respect each other, accept that no human being is completely identical in his feelings, likes, interpretations and beliefs as any other, even identical twins. May be even if humanity made cloned humans, they will not be copy-like in their attitudes. Always we have to remind ourselves as friends, that there is no one higher than the other, we are equal when we are friends. So problems can arise between friends, they can have opposing views on a point, and can make some distance between each other due to a temporary misunderstanding. This is normal to a certain degree that they will not cut their relation or become enemies. But we have to examine first why they have became friends and how do they declared that to each other? Have they got many likes, many converging ideas and carry a similar frequency ? Can they cohabitate together in peace? Do they find joy when meeting each other, sit together, talk and interact? Are they both free, independent and responsible? Because if one is dominated or manipulated by the other, so this is not real friendship. Friendship can also be between two persons of opposite sex, and can turn even to true love if their feelings melts together and the law of carnal attraction plays in. But it can be limited to only a formal human friendship, the one type that is not so welcomed in eastern societies. They believe it is not always pure, and fear that it turns bad and sinful. It is scarcely present, because to be on a wide scale, it has to be trained for, since childhood. To this end, the Internet has provided an opportunity for an objective electronic friendship, where both sides can explore each other with no obligations. Deceit can be discovered easily by alert bright people. Sincerity again, can be ascertained from between the lines. This electronic friendship, doesn’t replace the real-life friendship of course, but can be in particular cases a prelude for it. The need is obvious, because friends are made for listening, providing emotional support, social acceptance, discuss ideas or events or problems, inject esteem for ourselves, interact in a healthy way, for a constructive jovial existence. Courtesy not hypocrisy is needed between friends. Friends have to stand beside each others in difficulties, not giving because they wait a favor in return but they give out of their genuine concern about their friend.

How new teachers can make learning fun?

Learning is an experience that people undergo either for a short term or on a lifetime basis. It is not important whether you learn mathematics, or English literature or even rocket science; the importance is to enjoy this learning and make sense out of it.
Teachers have a formidable task but a surmountable one, of making the learning of even the most dry or complicated subjects, easy to understand and digest. It is quite agreed and even proved by many scientific studies on the psychology of learning that the quality of learning is very much enhanced by enjoying the subject the students are studying. This is often reflected in the short term by higher scores in tests and exams. Even better if joy and fun is the essence of teaching, it will be also rewarding to the psyche and intellect of the teachers themselves. In the long term the enjoyment of the learnt knowledge can give high yields both to the individual earner and to his or her community.
Teachers have to prepare themselves very well before embarking on the learning ship. They have to know their subject thoroughly. They have to analyze and scrutinize what they are going to say. Their message to their prospective students must he clear and defined. Teachers must anticipate what questions may arise from their students and what are the best possible logic answers. In addition to that, teachers must know beforehand some details about their audience. These include, the age of the students, their background, previous learning experience and their interests. This will aid the teacher to tailor the educational content for the best possible results.
Teachers in my opinion, must also have a role in the layout of the physical learning environment. They must select a quiet place, well-lit, clean and tidy, in order to early on the teaching process in. This place must not be damp or cold. Air draughts are not permitted in the class, but good air circulation has to be ensured. Inside the class, teachers have to arrange for bright colored painted and polished walls. They have to check the availability of comfortable healthy chairs and desks enough to suit for the students number and needs. Teachers have to examine the educational tools that will be used during the class, whether it is the blackboard, chalks, the whiteboard, markers felt pens, flip charts, overhead projectors, maps, slide projectors, computer, video with a television monitor and may he data-show projector; and ascertain that they are in a good working order.
Teachers must remember that the days of the grim looking teacher wielding a stick are long gone and condemned, because they are counter productive and injurious to the soul and minds of the student. A right balance between open-mindedness, freedom of expression, flexibility on one side and politeness, order, and mutual respect between the teacher and the students must be drawn.
Monotony should be avoided and the class should be kept alive with debate and questions. Giving examples from real life, anecdotes, and polite jokes will not only make the learning fun but can also aid in the solidification and deeper assimilation of the knowledge presented.

Communicate non-violently - 2

But what is the process of non-violent communication about?
It is that of the heart language between people not the head language. We have not to label people or put them in categories, but to harmonize with them. Everybody has the right to yes or no, and we have to accept both and to value the reasons behind, and either decision has to be made in an environment of freedom. No manipulation, no coercion, no blame, no deceit, no intimidation is allowed in order that the process can be applied in the true sense of the word.
The non-violent communication is a four-part process, that has the honesty during the conversation as the main background: so to state a request clearly
- I describe my observation : no criticism, no judgment
- I Identify my feeling ensuing from the observation
- Explain the reason for my feeling in terms of my needs
- State my request not demand
If the person gets stressed or upset I can switch into more listening

In responding to a no-situation we have to put the process into action like this:
(The main background here is empathy having the upper hand beside honesty)
· I Describe the situation
· I Guess the other person's feeling
· I Guess the reason for the feeling, together with the unmet need; then let the person verify whether I have correctly understood
· I Clarify the unmet need
We have during all this, to understand the other person’s needs and to respect his or her autonomy.

General rules are that we have to stay calm, no yelling, no screaming, no shouting back but listening and more listening to the other person. This process can be activated in any context of human relation, between husband and wife, father and son, daughter and mother, teacher and student, boss and employee, between friends even between strangers. Sure the language used must be the same and understood by everyone and body language, facial expressions, hands gestures also enter in the picture. It is a process that needs training, we are not born with it, but it may alter one’s life and of those surrounding him or her. Now I am applying this on myself, and it is proving fruitful. The non-violent communication is also used in major international conflicts and has shown happy endings. We have, in my opinion to consider the matter seriously, and read more about it and indulge more into its implementation.

Communicate non-violently - 1

Introduction

Is it possible in this complicated world not to use any kind of violence, during communication between people? This question intrigued me, on one part on the personal level, because, how much times I lost my temper, due to aggressive people or fanatic ones or dogmatic persons, with whom I indulged in a conversation for one cause or another. On the other part, I wondered if there is another way to solve conflicts between groups of people, instead of using any power? Sure during history, there were examples of not using violence in order to solve a deep problem, like the prominent example of Ghandi who was empty handed, with his followers, advocating non-violent resistance , that led the British Empire to dismantle its occupation of the whole Indian subcontinent. And despite that he was assassinated on the hands of a fanatic. What concerns me in this essay, is the violence that we use between each other while communicating during daily life. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, an American psychologist developed a process of non-violent communication in 1984. And since then, the number of trainees in the process has ever grown throughout the world. Dr. Rosenberg has used his method to mediate in armed conflicts around the world and even went to very dangerous places around the globe where violence was rampant.
He and his school have written many books, essays, given workshops to teach the method, given interviews, and participated in events discussing the process. Dr. Rosenberg has written a book called: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life © Marshall B. Rosenberg, 2003, published by PuddleDancer Press. I have read the translation of this book in French. It is an excellent book. This aroused my interest to search more about non-violent communication on the Internet, and read interviews and essays and excerpts from writings of Dr. Rosenberg himself in English. This was more explanatory. It is strange how can a process such as this, is so logic which needs us to be more empathic, can’t be used everywhere. (To be continued...)

A short life story

He was born fearless, nothing on his mind, innocent and crystal pure. After birth, difficulties started to build up, even milk was not a cure. Growing further, he began to realize he was different, gifted but lonely. He was not fitting well in his life, but got along somehow diligently. One day good, one day bad, what can we expect, he is poor and sad.
He was taught how to read, how to right and he proved to be bright. Sensing loneliness, lacking warmth, only mother cared for his plight. Outside home, many people treated him good with comprehension. At home, the boy entered in a world that he invented mostly in books. He felt joy, also sorrow, for his heroes yet imagination was the help.
His tantrums broke out, angry as he felt, always apologizing for any hurt. Everybody demanded him perfection, although they were all out of touch. Many blamed him for trivial faults, and attacked his naive mistakes. The boy felt as if a curse was cast on him, for no reason, but destiny. Astonishingly , he found himself enchanted with music, movies and colors.
Time passed, he got fearful, preoccupied, not so innocent, and unsure. Delved into books, he tried to find answers that nobody possessed . Gradually realized he had open mind, and sensed changes that occurred . No real friends, that was a bad spell, but it was only one straw in a misery pile. Seems he needed a magic wand to turn his life on and to light his dark sky
But the poor didn’t found the good fairy on the ground, and hoped well. Knowledge, became his big interest, nothing could calm him as a book .Nature’s beauty was a bless to him, healing him always after any break . Wise words began to show him the way after many bumps and wounds. And he is still enchanted, loving life, and helping others even if he suffers.

Under the gray sky

This is my new poem

Under the gray sky

Under the gray sky a small man moves his feet
Beside the same buildings he buries his misery
Looking front and sides he gets along aimlessly
Fearing any shadow behind the corner


Under the gray sky the small man gradually is relieved
As the fresh breeze slaps gently his face
He gathers hope as if he gathers blossoms
Smells enthusiasm like perfumed roses



Under the gray sky the growing man is self-discovering
Digging deep in his past to excavate his weaknesses
Astonishingly he founds diamonds in the dust of his existence
Brushing these gems , his eyes were taken by their beauty


Under the clearing sky the grown man finds his way
The sun is getting up slowly, throwing away its shackles
Oh that is not the sun we know, but the sun within him
He gets back to real life after a prolonged coma, fully alert

The meaning of life!

Hello:
Life is not percepted in the same way by every individual, this is what I have gathered during my hitherto voyage on the face of the earth. Alfred Adler, a prestigious Austrian psychologist and founder of the school of individual psychology, born 1870 and died 1937, has written a classic book in German which was translated into many languages including Arabic, it was called in the English version(What Life Could Mean to You). This is an enlightening book that is worth the effort, time taken to read it.

Discovered by chance!

Hello:
To my astonishment, I found that there is a music album called (Memoirs of a common man) performed by the Australian rock band called (Antiskeptic), and was released on June 2002. So it was released after the inception of my blog with the same name in which I published my first post on the 8th of March 2002. Is it a coincidence?

Solving a personal problem

Solving a personal problem

I am presenting here my own way to solve a personal problem in a very simple set of questions. So I presume one can ask him/herself these questions to find a relief from a trouble.

1. Is it a real problem or is it an illusion?
2. Why is it a problem?
3. Can I live with the problem as it is without trying to alter it?
4. Can the problem be thrown all together in the trash?
5. What are the elements of the problem?
6. How many ways are there to solve the problem?
7. What is the scenario for each solution?
8. What is the cost of every solution?
9. Is the solution permissible by local and international laws?
10. Is the solution acceptable socially?
11. Is the solution offending to family members?
12. Is the solution troubling to colleagues?
13. Is the solution realistic or idealistic?
14. Are there unwanted side effects to the solution?
15. Will be any collateral damage with the solution?
16. Is the solution painful?
17. Will the solution be considered an error in the future?
18. Can a time frame be drawn for the solution?
19. Who can help?
20. Can a specified plan of action be implemented?
21. What is the alternative solution if the first one fails?
22. What are the marks of success of the solution?
23. Are there shortcuts for speedy success?
24. When to stop thinking about the problem?
25. When to consider the dossier closed?

The half-lit street

My first English poem :
Yesterday, it was Saturday 28th of October 2006, I wrote my first English poem. I hope it will have some standard, and it is only the beginning. Here it is :


The half-lit street

In the half-lit street, a small man walks prudently
Not misanthropic, not shy but he is a fearful guy
Shunning faces, avoiding eyes as civility implies
Yet piercing eyes invade him and his heart cries

In the half-lit street, the small man walks lonely
Not psychopath, not mad but he is a thoughtful guy
Preferring quietness, loving flowers and butterflies
Yet he is not fitting in his existence so he sadly sighs

In the half-lit street, the small man walks silently
Not snob, not brewing evil but he is a wise guy
Analyzing his bad deeds and mistakes that everybody denies
Yet he knows that he is weak and poor so he tells white lies

In the half-lit street, the small man walks lightly
Not defying gravity, not slimming but he is a modest guy
Asking why some play rough but are really weaker than flies
Yet he endeavors to struggle and pulls himself from the plies

In the half-lit street, the small man walks expectantly
Not lazy, not complacent but he is a perplexed guy
Welcoming any humane move and tend to bolster ties
Yet he stumbles, gets cuts but soon the oozing wound dries

In the half-lit street, the small man walks happily
Not crazy, nor lunatic but he is an optimistic guy
Growing older, partially rejected but he fiercely tries
Yet he is wondering will life smile to him before he dies

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